British Commentators Should Be Mandatory for All Soccer Games
Last night I watched Independiente del Valle of Chile defeat Argentine side Boca Juniors to advance to the Copa Libertadores Final. The level of play was high, despite the rainy conditions, and, as a casual fan, the match was generally entertaining - except for one thing...Fox Sports used Americans for the play-by-play and color commentary. I can't quite put my finger on why this was such a problem. I think the issue is qualitative rather than quantitative, but watching a soccer game called by Americans just seems to detract from the pizazz of the match. I don't even think Al Michaels could salvage coverage of a foreign soccer game.
As an American, I think much of the allure of European Soccer - particularly Premier League soccer - is that it feels 'different.' Watching Chelsea play Manchester United is a distinctly different experience from anything you watch in the States - and a key component of this are the commentators. Listening to Ian Darke or Martin Tyler call a soccer game exponentially enhances my viewing experience. While their English accents automatically make them sound more credible, the key to their craft lies in the verbiage. British play-by-play announcers use phrases and terms I've never even heard of before. The thesaurus they draw from seems to have no bounds. They constantly push the envelope of sportscasting by using increasingly abstract terminology to describe what's happening on the pitch. But beyond their mastery of the English language, commentators like Darke and Tyler demonstrate the utmost professionalism through their limitless knowledge of the sport. They seamlessly intertwine interesting anecdotes into the flow of the game and sometimes go on welcomed tangents about players and coaches. The depth and detail they go into to make each viewer familiar with each player has set the sportscasting standard.
When you pair him up with a great Scottish guy providing the color you have a truly titanic partnership. The Scottish color commentator, guys like Andy Gray and Ally McCoist, may speak less throughout the game but where he lacks quantity, he more than makes up for in quality. These guys are usually former Scottish legends - and almost always spent their formative years with Celtic or Rangers. Americans might not recognize them by name but these guys have never paid for a beer in Glasgow. Their unique accents help accentuate their points and they always call it as they see it - unabashed by political correctness, these guys rarely hold their tongues. They offer their own perspective on the match, and provide their own uniquely Scottish verbiage, and set of expressions, which offer insight into the mind of a former footballer. They call cleats 'boots' and if a striker soars a shot over the net they're quick to tell us "he just didn't put his laces through it."
Some people might argue that animated Mexican and South American announcers are just as good for viewership, but my rebuttal is simple: I can't understand the language. So while it's exciting when someone scores and the announcer screams "Goooooooaaaaaaalllllll" for 2 minutes straight, I can't understand what's going on between goals.
The extraordinary chemistry that British commentators exhibit is almost as important to a viewer as the game itself. This is why I am proposing a law that would require all soccer games, no matter what league or country is involved, to be announced by a British broadcast team when aired by an English speaking audience. Obviously the Club America v. Tijuana game airing in Mexico City wouldn't be included, for example. But if that game airs in the US it must be called by Brits. So I plead with my fellow soccer fans to push this legislation. I'm not sure exactly how to get this passed at the global level so write to everyone. Write to your local Congressmen, your Governor, the President, the Queen, NAFTA, and the UN - we must do whatever we have to in order to make British commentators commonplace for all soccer games. The English invented the language and the sport, it's only natural let's for them announce the matches too
