In Honor of Lincoln Red Imps: My Best Starting XI by Occupation
UEFA Qualifications continue on this week, and Day 1 was filled with surprise results, with the improbable 1-0 victory by Lincoln Reds Imps (Gibraltar) vs. Celtic FC leading the way.
Sky Sports News HQ (see the tweet here) took to twitter and posted an image of Lincoln Red Imps' starting XI, noting that six starters have other full time jobs (ex: police officers, labourer, civil servant, etc.). In honor of Lincoln Red Imps' miraculous win, I've built my ideal starting XI by real world occupations in a 4-2-3-1 formation...enjoy!
Goalkeeper - Middle School Teacher
The ideal goalkeeper not only stops shots, but commands their box with both physical force and voice, and at times, firmly directing defenders that most of the time feel like they are doing everything right and don't need to be given directions. The same can be said for a middle school teacher (minus the physical force, of course)...imagine dealing with a room of 25+ angsty pre-teens that have little to no respect for authority. Not to mention, getting said 25+ angsty pre-teens all on the same page in class during a lesson...sounds like a headache, right? Those teachers are trained professionals in doing this, and the best make it very clear to see who is in charge of the room. Because of their ability to command a classroom (or 18 yard box) filled with confused tweens, they feature in my starting XI.
Center/Left/Right Backs - Plumbers
Per the definition provided by Merriam-Webster's online dictionary, a plumber is "a person whose job is to prevent or put an end to leaks..." Need I say more?
Defensive Midfielders - Engineers
For me, selecting engineers to man defensive midfield positions was an easy choice. Engineers can be defined as people that "design materials, structures, and systems while considering the limitations imposed by practicality, regulation, safety, and cost" (source). For me, the best defensive midfielders pride themselves on solid defense (safety) before anything else. In addition, they pick their spots to press forward in attack when it makes most sense (practicality), limiting the potential for deadly counter attacks (cost). Defensive midfielders are typically the engine that makes a 4-2-3-1 productive both offensively and defensively, so why not have engineers be the engine? Heck, many of them could probably take apart an engine and put one back together.
Attacking Midfielders - Sculptors
Creativity and the ability to make something out of nothing: 2 great qualities that nearly every world class attacking midfielder possess. The deadliest attacking midfielders feel out how defenses are playing them, then they adjust their attacking plans to create opportunities to score. On most occasions, this isn't a straightforward task, forcing attacking midfielders to get creative with their schemes in order to be successful.
Sculptors probably go through a similar process when sculpting. For example, take a sculptor that normally does metal work, and put clay in front of them. Additionally, instead of providing the sculptor with tools typically used for clay work, force them to use their metal tools. Most likely, they'll start to play around with the clay, testing its flexibility, durability, density, etc. to figure out how they can manipulate the material best with the tools at their disposal. Once they have, they start working the clay until they have created their final product. This process isn't as simple as going from A to B, most likely requiring lots of trial and error before creating the final masterpiece.
The same can be said for the best attacking midfielders. Say your attacking midfielders typically build attack through the flanks, but the opposition is defending the flanks perfectly. The attacking midfielders can't morph into completely different players ("can't use clay tools"), forcing them to try other ways to create offensive opportunities (build through the center of the field, long balls, etc.). Once they have done enough trial and error to figure out what they need to do to break down the defense, they execute and create goals for their side. Sometimes this is a quick process, sometimes it takes almost the entire game...however, the best never stop until they figure it out, and then create their masterpieces....goals and assists.
***Keep in mind this is coming from a guy that can barely draw stick figures***
Striker - Salesperson
If you've ever worked in sales, or know someone that has/does, you know that their days typically contain their fair share of rejection/failure (for lack of a better term for "not making the sale"). However, when they see a prospect is very interested in buying, they take advantage and make the sale. Furthermore, the best salespeople know that sales is a numbers game. They recognize that if they can get in front of the right people as many times as possible, their chances for making more sales goes up, typically...in baseball terms, you have a better chance at hitting 25 HRs in a season if you have 500 at-bats instead of 300, right?
The same can be said for strikers. Even the best striker in the world doesn't score on every shot they take, let alone score on every offensive possession...But what does a world class striker do? They don't get discouraged by failure, as more opportunities will arise...especially if they keep putting themselves in the best positions possible for success. Think about it this way: do the best goal poachers stand at the top of the 18 yard box on crosses in hopes of a bar-and-down golazo, or do they get up to the 6 yard box, ready to redirect the ball toward goal any way possible? The best salespeople BELIEVE they will have success and don't stop until they have success...that's the exact type of mentality I want out of my striker.
Hope you enjoyed my starting XI...if you have your own starting lineup, or have another occupation that you feel would fit perfectly into my 4-2-3-1 formation, comment!
