Copa's Best Names
After an underwhelming first weekend of the Copa, save the Mexico-Uruguay match, I had the research team dig up the best names in the Copa Centenario. These names were chosen for a variety of reasons - some sound phonetically funny (alliteration is key) , some don't sound like names, and some just seem out of place:
Guido Pizarro - Argentina - MF: anyone named Guido automatically makes this list
Alisson - Brazil - GK: Just a very 'unique' name to go by, even by Brazilian nomenclature standards
Mark Gonzalez - Chile - FW: Sounds like fake name from a bad fake ID in high school
Frank Fabra - Colombia - DF: Rolls off the tongue, but more suited for a fedora wearing big band singer from the 50s
Frickson Erazo - Ecuador - DF: Something about the name Frickson gets me
Patrick Pemberton - Costa Rica - GK: Bonus points for alliteration, but this name is far more suited to a British schoolboy than a goalie from Central America
Johnny Acosta - Costa Rica - DF: Sounds like a guy who's on the X Games circuit
Johan Venegas - Costa Rica - MF: Love the clash of cultures, wasn't aware Sweden colonized Central America
Yeltsin Tejeda - Costa Rica - MF: Assuming parents were big fans of the first democratically elected Russian president
Damano Solomon - Jamaica - DF: In my head I hear "Domino," so this name sounds like an awesome low-level street hustler from a Guy Ritchie movie
Harold Cummings - Panama - DF: Just doesn't fit
Fidel Escobar - Panama - DF: Love child of Fidel Castro and Pablo Escobar
Mechak Jerome - Haiti - DF: I think the hospital made a mistake on the birth certificate and reversed the name
Kim Jaggy - Haiti - DF: This name is just fresh AF
Reginel Goreux - Haiti - DF: Rolls off the tongue
Wilde-Donald Guerrier - Haiti - FW: Any hyphenated first name automatically makes the list
Duckens Nazon - Haiti - FW: Duckens Nazon...'nuff said
Jeff Louis - Haiti - FW: With all the fire coming from the Haitian roster, just seems funny that a guy named Jeff Louis snuck in
Dario Lezcano - Paraguay - FW: Sounds like a nasty closing pitcher
Oscar Vilchez - Peru - MF: 'Vilchez' sounds like something you step in
Yoshimar Yotun - Peru - MF: Sounds like a formal Japanese greeting
Andy Polo - Peru - MF: Marco's kid brother. Name just doesn't belong with others
Jhasmani Campos - Bolivia - MF: Not entirely sure how to pronounce this
Yasmani Duk (Pictured) - Bolivia - FW: First team all-world name. Pure class.
Wuilker Farinez - Venezuela - GK: Phonetically pleasing
Wilker Angel - Venezuela - DF: Have to pronounce this with an American accent
Oswaldo Vizcarrondo - Venezuela - DF: A lot going on with this name. All of it good.
Rolf Fletscher - Venezuela - DF: Made the list because it might be the only pure German name on any roster in the Copa
Arquimedes Figuera - Venezuela - MF: Parents are big fans of physics, especially the law of water displacement
Adalberto Penaranda - Venezuela -MF: Need a Spanish soccer announcer to do this name justice
Yangel Herrera - Venezuela - MF: Didn't know Yangel was a word or a name
Yonathan Del Valle - Venezuela - FW: Substituting 'Y' for 'J' is an easy way to make this list.
Darlington Nagbe - USA - MF: Rolls off the tongue
Bobby Wood - USA - FW: Makes the list because a native Hawaiian has the most wholesome American Cold War era name possible. Sounds like the kid plays marbles and 'kick the can' in his free time
John Brooks - USA - DF: Makes the list because this is the most boring, generic American name of all time, but he was born and raised in Germany. Curve ball.
Perry Kitchen - USA - MF: Just pretty unfortunate. Poor guy
